I can dance like Beyonce.

I'm one of the biggest fan girls in the world, and I tend to love things that fifteen year olds would like. So, I shamelessly say that I went out and bought Fifth Harmony's album "Reflection" and saying that I am playing it every second of the day is an understatement. There are certain songs that I have become attached to you, and one of them is a song called "Brave. Honest. Beautiful."

I have a list of songs that I listen to when I am down that will lift me back up, but after listening to this song which first off, makes me want to dance (like Beyonce), it makes me really feel better about myself. I know that may seem a little bizarre, but sometimes listening to a song can be a pep talk that you need to tell yourself. So, instead of telling myself that I am awesome (because that would be a little weird for me, personally) I would gladly hear it from the girls of Fifth Harmony and bob my head along, agreeing that I am pretty dang amazing. Insert finger snap here.

Lately I have been getting down on myself just for really little, stupid, basically insignificant things. And with Valentine's Day coming up, it doesn't help matters. I've spent many a night eating double stuff Oreos and crying over the petty relationships on The Bachelor. I have been letting things get to me and I have allowed those things to bring me down, and frankly I am tired of letting this happen. But, sometimes you just don't know how to break out of an emotional place that you are held into, and it's even worse when you are doing it to yourself. Everyone comes to the point where they tweet "I hate my life" - maybe you posted it, maybe you didn't, but the thought was out there. You hated something about your life: a situation, a trait, etc. I can speak for myself when I say, once I have one negative thought against myself, a bandwagon of bad thoughts is following close behind. Usually for me, it goes a little something like, I get a bad grade on a paper, and then I find a pimple on my chin, then my best friend canceled our coffee date and on top of it all the guy I like didn't acknowledge I exist. Does that ring a bell to anyone else? (It's okay, your secret is safe with me.) Everything comes crashing down and you can't seem to keep your head above the water of all the problems and negativity you put on yourself. 

Not feeling like you are good enough, special enough, pretty enough and so on is something that everyone deals with. I deal with it a lot of the time and just try to mask it and hide it, but eventually you reach a point where you just need to face it head on. You need to ignore the little monster in your brain that is feeding you all this negativity because you can't even hear what it's saying over the sound of your own fabulousness.

I am -insert adjective here- enough. I am enough. I don't think that the feelings or attitudes of "not enough-ness" is something that goes away in an instant, but if you keep affirming positive things, it will eventually disappear. Poof.

As I sing obnoxiously in my car to "Brave. Honest. Beautiful." I am agreeing with what I am listening to. Heck yeah, I can dance like Beyonce! I can shake it like Shakira (and shake it off like Taylor)! Once you start affirming the good, you will eventually feel good. It's taken me some time to get into a habit of not letting myself get deep into those "not enough" trenches, but to dance out of them saying: I'm brave, I'm honest, I'm beautiful.

Just Do It.

Have you ever wanted to do something and then you subconsciously told yourself "no, don't do what, that's a stupid idea!" I do that at least 300 times a day and usually I don't do the self proclaimed "stupid" idea, because most of the time that idea is out of my comfort zone. 

I always had a really great relationship with my comfort zone. I respected the boundaries that I had with my comfort zone and I never crossed the invisible line and did something that would make me feel less than confident. I always had this fear of doing something stupid and having people notice and then boom, immediate humiliation. I always wondered what other people were thinking about me and what people would say, so I always calculated every little thing I did. I never did anything that would make me feel uncomfortable.. I would have friends that would say "just do it." What did they think my life was, a Nike commercial? I was never, ever going to cross my comfort line and do something...crazy. Even when the action was not outlandish in the least, if it wasn't something that I thought I couldn't do with poise and grace (or with whatever grace and poise I have) I wouldn't even attempt to do such a thing. 

Until now.

I have been trying to step away from the cozy, comfortable zone that I have been in for the past 20 years and I am trying to go out and do things that I wouldn't normally do. I'm taking steps into things that I wouldn't normally be comfortable doing. But, who ever said that life was supposed to be comfortable? I'm trying to embrace any moment and opportunity to do things, and listen to that little voice in my head that says "do that thing that you really want to do!" and ignore the idiotic voice that says "don't do that, you're going to look stupid!" 

Life is all about the thrill and the risk and the uncertainty. I've embraced the fact that I can't be 'perfect' all the time, especially if it's holding me back from things I want to do. So, I'm starting to listen to the three words I heard from a choir of friends for years: just do it. 

[Sidenote: The instance that inspired this blog post ended up turning out positively. And proud of myself.]

Back.

It's always a little bizarre going back to something that you once had such a connection to. This is probably my third return to the blogging world since the days when I blogged daily. But, I am back and I have come to accept my presence (or lack there of) on this little internet space of mine. 

So, I am back. As they would say in Rent, "take me baby, or leave me."